My husband and I try to be very intentional with our parenting. Since everyone keeps telling us that there is no particular manual for parenting. I honestly wish there was something like that. That perfect ‘one-size-fit-all’ parenting style that ultimately yields the “perfect kids” by human standards. Therefore, I try to do my research. I try to seek answers to questions I have about parenting. Believe me, I have loads of them. One of the questions I asked was how to raise children with no sense of entitlement. The question was born out of an observation I made about the attitude of some youths we currently have in circulation. Being entitled is the belief that one is inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment. It is okay to be self-assured and be stoically confident, but the moment an individual goes about thinking that the world owes him or her something, then there is a huge problem. So I decided to find out practical things to do to set our children in the right direction with zero sense of entitlement. Itemized below are some of the answers I discovered and came up with;
1 Serve others with your children. Let them see you help others. Let them see the needs of others, so that they learn to be grateful for their portion. They learn to appreciate that there is nothing they have that they have not received.
2 Allow them to stumble. Do not attempt to cushion the fall. Help your child understand that we live in a world governed by principles and that there is something called cause and effect. That there is a consequence for all actions and inactions as well. Stop the ‘helicopter parenting’ business. Don’t try to shelter your child from every disappointment life brings because then they don’t learn to face the reality of life. Let your children understand that sometimes in life, we fail at things but it is okay. As long as we identify why it happened and we do better next time. Not blaming someone else for something that went wrong. Don’t hide your failures. It does not depreciate your value before their eyes. The truth be told, every parent was not always first position in every class!
3 Understand your main goal as a parent. This should not be to make you children happy but to nurture kind children who have learnt the value of contentment with a heart of gratitude.
4 Connect them with your roots. Tell them your story..How you defied all odds and overcame adversity to get to where you are today. Take them to see landmarks of your little beginnings.
5 Teach them to say thank you always. Let them imbibe a culture of gratitude. Being grateful for everything. I tend to hold on to stuffs I hand out to my children, until they say thank you, I don’t usually let go of whatever item it is till I hear the magical phrase. For instance, if I hand over a popsicle to a child, I stretch my hand to the child, and as the child reaches out to pick up the popsicle, I do not let go until the child says ‘thank you’. Gradually my little ones have imbibed that culture of saying thanks. So they know if mommy is holding on to something they want and mommy has, they need to say a phrase which is ‘thank you’.
6 Do not negotiate with your kids. I know sometimes in parenting, negotiating with your kids is the easiest way out, but on a long term basis, you are damaging that child. The child learns to associate doing the right thing with getting something in return. A child does not want to put on his or her leather boots on a cold chilly winter morning because the child wanted a pair of colorful sandals. You offer the child some treat because you are running late for work and could not afford a show-down so you ‘bribe’ your child. Don’t do that. Don’t negotiate with a ‘terrorist’! That’s a joke.
7 Follow through. Enforce whatever you say you would do even if it breaks your heart. Trying to discipline kids is a tough terrain. You are practically ‘saving’ the child’s life. The child doesn’t like it, you don’t like, but you are the parent and you have a responsibility to do the needful. Stick with it and let the child thank you in the future. However if you don’t see through whatever you said you would do, you lose your respect. That won’t be a good thing.
If you say you are taking the iPad away for the week, don’t change your mind and bring it out after two days. It sends conflicting messages to kids that further reinforces a deep sense of entitlement.
8 Give your child chores.
Age appropriate chores teach responsibility, work ethic, and life-skills. So many adults enter the world out of college and don’t know how to cook, do laundry, clean a toilet, or even rinse a dish because they were never expected to do any work around the house. Let them do chores. We are in a world with children with intelligence at a coding level, doing awesome things with technology at a very tender age, yet they are let off the hook with simple chores around the house. Let them learn responsibility early. My little ones know one of their chores is to lay their beds when they wake up. Even though I end up doing 95 % of the actual bed laying, its a good thing for them to be involved.
7 Teach your child to give, to share and to save. The best way to do this is to model this. Teach the child to pay a tithe to God, to save for the future and to share with others. It is never too early to start.
You cannot enforce what you don’t do, that would be tantamount to hypocrisy.
I bought for each of my child a piggy bank and we regularly invest. That’s good start.
Saving teaches money management skills at an early age. This ultimately gives the child a shot at financial responsibility and a reduced tendency towards a sense of entitlement.
8 Help your child learn patience. Make them wait. Waiting could be painful sometimes, but it helps kids acquire the virtue of patience.
A lot of adults in our generation have a hard time delaying gratification, therefore we want their generation to do better.
9 Help them appreciate that there is time for everything. That is my latest parenting mantra. I let my kids know when we go to the mall for example that we came to the store to buy XYZ and not ABC because that was not the time for it. There is time for everything in life. That in life there are seasons and that is standard.
10 Pray for your child. Parents can cross all the “t” and dot all the “i”s, nothing is guaranteed. However, with prayer you commit the child into the hands of an ever faithful God , then something is guaranteed.
“Parenting is not giving your child everything they want. Parenting is not being your child’s friend. Parenting is about preparing your child to be a useful and respectful person in society”. – GloZell