Posted on

An Open Letter to All Parents in America.

Dear parents,

I know that this is a very difficult time to be a parent, especially in America. We just went through a pandemic with the Covid-19 and had to deal with virtual learning, homeschooling, etc. We had to evolve in so many different ways. We had to deal with changes in our career and the impact on all our relationships, especially marriages. Nothing in our past ever prepared us for a toilet roll shortage. Neither could we have foreseen baby formula ever being in short supply in the United States of America.
I noticed that very young kids as young as five years old became so knowledgeable about virology. We had listened to them pray almost similar prayers every night that “Oh God let the Corona virus go away”. My son recently celebrated his seventh year birthday party. It was a science themed party and he had designed his own special cake. When it was time to blow out the candle on his cake, he made a wish. I later asked him what he had wished for. His response shocked me. He said he had wished that everyone would live in peace and get along with each other. This brought me close to tears for two reasons. First, I felt pain in my heart because he was making reference to the war in Ukraine. He had seen on TV how families were displaced and how kids were separated from their dads and had to loose the comfort of their homes. Second, I felt joy because I know I have a kind, loving and very thoughtful child.
As parents, we had to figure out mild ways to explain to our children and reassure them that the world is still a safe place. However, the recent trend of things have made parents become liars. This is because the truth is that the world, our world, is not a safe place. If you are still in a bubble thinking it is, then explain to me how a random individual would decide to wake up and kill nineteen innocent children and two adults. The first thing I thought about after asking myself the rhetorical question of why was “what was the motive?” It was a wrong question. There should never be a motive to justify sheer evil and undiluted wickedness.

Many of us parents woke up at dawn with a tinge of fear but bravely and courageously still sent our children to school this morning. Many of us held them a little tighter, a little longer. Many of us prayed prayers of protection under our breathe as we sent them off to school hoping and praying that they would come back to us on their own legs with the same cheesy smiles. What can we do? Who will save us? Who would rescue us? We need to be able to feel safe to leave the comfort of our homes and safely do grocery shopping. We need to be able to go to church in peace. We need to know that sending our children to school to get educated is not a decision we would live to regret for the rest of our lives. We do not just want to continue mopping the floor by putting up metal detectors and metallic barricades at entrances of schools, supermarkets and churches or continue teaching little children how to hide in cupboards when an armed individual is on the prowl. There is need for definitive actions including stricter, more sensible gun laws and proper background checks. There is a need to reduce firearm access to youth and individuals who are at risk of harming themselves or others.


Also, I implore parents to teach their children to love their fellow human beings as themselves. Parents should not sow seeds of hatred in the hearts of their children because that is very dangerous and just morally wrong. Model a lifestyle of kindness and plain respect for fellow human beings. Then, perhaps with love, joy will bloom again in our world and we can breathe a little better.

Yours truly,

Dr Funmi

Posted on

Blindsided – An Encounter with a Fox

As most people do, I had my whole day mentally mapped out. I had plans and goals I wanted to achieve, one of which was to take a walk around a park close to my house. I love the park because it is nice and quiet; I get to walk around the football field about three times and it takes about 30 minutes to do that. The American Heart Association recommends 150 minutes of moderate-intensity aerobic activity or 75 minutes of vigorous aerobic activity per week, or a combination of both for adult; hence my weekly routine usually entailed brisk walking around that park at least three times a week. I complement this with my Peloton bike and strength exercises. This was before residency. Life was pretty normal.


So I had set out this fateful day simply with one goal; to walk. I was about 7 minutes into my first lap around the field when I heard in the distance the sound of a bird in distress as if a predator attacked it. I noticed but did not pay too much attention. I kept walking and I completed the first lap. Hopefully two more to go. I was pumped, I was ready. “Funmi, you can do this”, I psyched myself. I kept walking. Three minutes into the next lap, I looked far ahead into the bushes and I saw two animals that looked faintly like a dog to me, chasing something. An imaginary alarm bell went off in my mind at the point. I knew something was off. People do not leave their dogs to run off without their collar and leash especially in a park. Plus there were no houses nearby and I was alone in that portion of the park. I have been to the park several times and it had always been okay and pretty safe. Still I summoned up courage and kept walking. “I must achieve my goal today and no weird animal would stop me”, I said to myself.

Suddenly, I was face to face with a FOX! What was I supposed to do? Up until that moment I had never encountered one. I knew they are wild animals, not domesticated. Although they could be shy vulpines, the medical part of me kept thinking of rabies. This animal is supposed to be shy but this particular one saw me and kept coming at me. I wanted to continue walking straight towards the fox, but I had a bad feeling about it. First, I was alone, I saw no one else in sight, if anything happened, no one would know immediately.
How life throws our way situations we had not planned for nor given a thought to. Perhaps if we had a prior inclination of an impending situation, maybe we would be better prepared.
Life has us blind sided when we least expect. Life does not write us a notice that it is about to throw a curve ball or a lemon.


However, we need strength to handle whatever it is life throws our way.
I grew up in a surburban city in a country in West Africa and I knew that when you are faced with a wild dog your best option is not to run. At best, pretend to bend down as if you are picking up a stone. Usually the wild dog would be scared and run away except you are faced with a really rabid dog.
However, that fateful morning, I did what my brain told me to do. To retreat. I ran away as fast as my boots would let me. I must have looked slightly pathetic, but had a good laugh about it after.


Like the fox I unexpectedly encountered, many will encounter “foxes” that will threaten to distrupt their well-planned out day or life. Ultimately, it is your call to decide what you want to do. Whatever you chose to do, whether to take flight or stay to fight, give it all your best using all the strength you can muster. Either way, whether you run from your worse nightmare or face it muscle-for-muscle remember that you are still your awesome self.

“Courage is the most important of all the virtues, because without courage you can’t practice any other virtue consistently. You can practice any virtue erratically, but nothing consistently without courage.”

Maya Angelou

Posted on

Intentional Parenting

Dear readers, hope you are settling well into the New year. It is almost unbelievable that this month is speeding away so fast. May it be a good year for us all. Today’s blogpost is about intentional parenting. Let me give you a little background to my own parenting journey. I have two little ones – a seven year old (soon to be eight year old) boy and a six year old girl. These two children have taught me a lot on my parenting journey.

I know there are various parenting styles and I have been trying to figure out what my parenting style is. To be honest, it is hard for me to fit into a box. This is because I adopt a little bit of each parenting style at different points in time. I could be the helicopter parent today, the next day I am the strict, authoritative parent, and tomorrow I am both the intense and negotiating parent. However, I am always most definitely the high achieving parent daily. This is for obvious reasons. In a world where you have paid a great price in hard work to achieve all you have especially career-wise, yet people second- guess your ability, look down on you, or just plainly believe you are not good enough simply because of your skin color . So you want to make sure that you are not only good at anything but twice as good. Hence, you have no choice but to prepare your child for that same society that is not so benevolent and accepting of your brilliance. Therefore, my advice for any parent of black children is that while you may have a different parenting style, you have to be a high achieving parent in addition to whatever style you have adopted. Create a hybrid style that works for you and child. You have to parent for the world you are sending your child to. That is the intentionality I want you to incorporate into your parenting.

While I know that parenting is not about military precision, as much as possible we want to get it right and do our possible best to raise and nurture good human beings. May we find the best path that works for us in order to nurture human beings that will always make us proud.

“If you raise your children to feel that they can accomplish any goal or task they decide upon, you will have succeeded as a parent and you will have given your children the greatest of all blessings. “– Brian Tracy

Posted on

Happy New Year 2023 !

Happy New Year dear friends. We made it to the amazingly pregnant year 2023! May it deliver to us the goodness thereof. May we be beneficiaries of its numerous blessings while the evil thereof will never come near our abodes.

It has been such a long time I showed up on this side of the world. My apologies for the inconsistency. However, I have decided to turn over a new leaf and steadiness of writing is one of my goals which would be equivalent to New year resolutions for believers of that.

Now, we have a lot to catch up on. Last year 2022 was a very interesting year. It was full of numerous wins, pleasant surprises, answered prayers, some failures, a lot of tears, few disappointments, etc. I made new friends, re-connected with old friends. I finished residency training in Internal Medicine. My status changed. I became an attending physician or as we call it in my country of origin, I became a consultant. All glory to God. I am a woman of faith for those of you who do not know me yet. Perhaps in the nearest future, I will do a re-introductory blog post.

I hope you started your year on a good note. If you didn’t, you have an ample opportunity to do so.

While I do not intend that this would be a long post. I just wanted to take out time to reconnect with you and encourage, as well as inspire you all to go do great things this year. A few things to remember:

1) Have a list of goals you would like to achieve this year and write them down somewhere for your personal reference.

2) Make it a priority to seek knowledge. Read for at least 30 minutes everyday. By the end of the year you would have effortlessly read for 10,950 minutes ( 30 x 365). For those of you wondering how I got that!

3) Declutter your life. Get rid of things that are no longer serving you. These includes clothing items, shoes you do not need any more. It also includes parasitic relationships in your life.

4) Prioritize self care this year. Stop putting others before yourself all the time. Regularly pamper yourself because you deserve it. This also includes you incorporating a strategy to de-stress.

5) Take care of your health. Your health is key, it is important. Don’t ignore your mental health too.

6) Find time to do the things you love. Be it writing( like me), painting, running, swimming, playing the piano, playing chess, cooking, etc

7) Observe your quiet time daily.

8) Build social connections. Connect with friends. Check up on loved ones.

9) Plan your vacation. Be very intentional about this.

10) Be frugal with your spending. Take your financial life seriously.

Alright people, I hope you have an amazing 2023! May you always find a reason to smile every single day of the year .

” First comes thought; then organization of that thought, into ideas and plans; then transformation of those plans into reality. The beginning, as you will observe, is in your imagination.” – Napoleon Hill

Posted on

The “Delish” Pancakes

On our way home from piano lessons I asked my children what they wanted for dinner and I basically did not allow them to give me an answer because I knew their response was going to be Chick-Fil-A. I wasn’t planning to do that. Hence, I suggested to them that we should make special pancakes and that they would help with making it. They were very excited about the idea. The drive home was pretty smooth.

At home, we gathered all the needed ingredients as follows;

1 cup of all purpose flour

4 Teaspoons of baking powder

1 egg

A pinch of salt

1 Tablespoon of sugar

1 cup of milk

A scoop of butter (melted)

A handful of strawberries

We poured a cup of flour into a clean bowl and added the 4 teaspoons of baking powder. Then, my daughter added a pinch of salt and a teaspoon of sugar. My son stirred all that together. My daughter helped to break an egg to which I added some melted butter and a cup of milk. This was very well whisked. Then, we added the mixture together and mixed again with a wooded spoon till we got a nice consistency. I diced up some strawberries and tossed into the mixture. Then, we were ready for the frying stage of the process.

I did put a pinch of butter into the frying pan and started frying and flipping.

Fortunately, it turned out right! Hence, my children called their special pancake “Delish pancakes”. They were very happy that they were part of the process. I encourage you to try this with your little ones.

Cooking with my little ones is always fun. It usually takes longer than expected but it is well worth it eventually. Apart from the fact that it enhances our bond, it helps improves their confidence through the sense of accomplishment that they made something delicious. It also helps them with math because there are calculations and proportions involved in cooking. This is a win-win.

Ensure you allow your children partake of your next cooking adventure.

“In the childhood memories of every good cook, there’s a large kitchen, a warm stove, a simmering pot and a mom.” – Barbara Costikyan

Posted on

How Are You Doing?

Hello world! I know it has been ages since I showed up on this side of the internet. Your girl as been busy with the affairs of life. I almost cannot believe that so much time has passed without putting up a post. A lot has happened to say the least. However, I have celebrated a few victories . I passed my USMLE Step 3 examination. It is the final examination in the USMLE sequence leading to a license to practice medicine without supervision for doctors in the Unites States. I took it back in March, 2021. Also, I have published yet another book titled Marriage Capsules. On the other hand, I have had a couple of experiences that were quite painful however, I am still here typing away with a smile.

So when I ask you “how are you doing?” It is not merely a cliche or a mere statement offered out of basic courtesy. I mean it as a sincere statement seeking genuine interest in the state of your life. What I have come to realize is that many people are not really doing okay. You see a lot of people who are well dressed, looking prim and proper but the state of their heart and life is nothing close to “prim” let alone “proper”. I have encountered people who basically start crying without any precipitating factor that others could see. Many are dealing with secret pain they cannot voice out. Many are dealing with hurt that goes so deep that it lingers. Many people are dealing with different shades of stressful situations. I know we are all still living through a pandemic. The Federal Aviation Administration reports there have been 4,090 unruly passenger complaints this year, a number that far exceeds the typical 150 complaints each year. People are going around with so much anger and pent up emotions that the slightest provocation leaves many erupting like volcano !

There is a lot of strain on the mental health of people.

According to the National Alliance on Mental health:

1 in 5 U.S. adults experience mental illness each year
1 in 20 U.S. adults experience serious mental illness each year
1 in 6 U.S. youth aged 6-17 experience a mental health disorder each year
50% of all lifetime mental illness begins by age 14, and 75% by age 24
Suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death among people aged 10-34

So my dear friends, I ask you again “How are you doing?” It is okay not to be fine. It is okay not to be okay. Whenever, you realize that you are not okay, please reach out to your support system and lean on them. Find a worthy shoulder to lean on. Get a box of tissues and have a good cry if you must. Be kind to yourself. Cut yourself some slack. Prioritize your self care . Make taking care of yourself be a major pre-occupation for you without guilt. Be selfish in caring for your own self. Please do not hesitate to nurture and nourish yourself today, tomorrow and always.

Alright friends, till when next I come your way, stay strong and be safe out there.

“Nourishing yourself in a way that helps you blossom in the direction you want to go is attainable, and you are worth the effort”
— Deborah Day

Posted on

Crippling Mommy Guilt

Photo by Irina Murza

Happy New year dear friends. Hope you have an amazing New year loaded with all the goodness that you deserve. May you have a reason to smile every single day of the year.

Let me tell you a short story of my life in the last couple of weeks. I am currently pursuing my residency training in the field of Internal medicine at the moment and because of the pandemic from Covid 19, there has been a lot of modification made to our residency program including the fact that now we are doing a lot of rotations in the Intensive care unit (ICU). This is due to the large influx of symptomatic Covid positive patients at our hospital. Even though I had Christmas off, I worked over New year. I had to do work for almost 72 hours over the course of six days. So, on the sixth night knowing that I had the next day off, I made an executive decision to binge on Netflix – a luxury I had not indulged in for months. I gingerly picked up the remote control , being super-cautious so as not to wake the children up. They were resuming back to school at the beginning of a new year to continue with the school year. My son is in Kindergarten and my daughter is in pre-school.

I randomly scrolled through Netflix looking for a lovely movie to watch. I kept scrolling through until my eye caught a movie titled Bridgerton. Being an unrepentant romantic who is a sucker for fairy tales and good endings, I settled for this one. I chose Bridgerton despite the fact that I knew it was a season movie. I typically avoid season movies because I believe it is a waste of my time. Also, I believe I do not have the capacity to entertain such opulence. I watched the first five of eight episodes of the first season that night. I did not go to bed till the wee hours of the morning. I went bed around 5:30 am. So when I woke up at 10:30 am, I realized I had missed seeing my children before returning to school in the new year. I felt very bad. Almost like a very terrible mother. What mother sleeps off and forgets to give her children warm hugs, loving kisses and bear hugs before having them go to school even if school is just for seven hours? That’s me !

By the way, we have a nanny that took care of them and my husband who currently works from home had so lovingly told the children to allow mommy rest. So obediently, they had planted soft kisses while I was in REM sleep. I wanted to beat myself up. I felt a sharp wave of guilt wash over me. I felt a stabbing jab of irresponsibility for my eating the fruit of my desire to treat myself for working so hard. I wanted to regret watching that movie, but I could not. It was that good. Anyway, they came back from school and I gave them each the biggest hugs and kisses ever. Plus we read stories from their favorite books and did some painting. They were very happy. Then, I forgave myself.

I realized that moms are just humans too. We need not beat ourselves up for craving some degree of normalcy in our lives . Neither should we feel guilty for indulging in some self pampering.

“There is no perfect way to be a good mother. Each situation is unique. Each mother has different challengers, different skills and abilities and certainly different children. What matters is that a mother loves her children deeply.”

Elder M. Russel Ballard

Posted on

The Year Santa Wore a Face Mask

Seasons greetings to you all. Hope you had a wonderful Christmas celebration in spite of all odds. I know a lot of restrictions where put in place as precautionary measures to allow for our safety. For us, we could not attend Christmas Eve service in person. It had to be done online. It was usually fun to see everyone dressed up in their really lovely Christmas attires, usually a touch of red. I particularly missed the part where everyone would hold out a lighted candle while the whole congregation sang Silent night. I can only describe that moment as celestial.

Typically, few days before Christmas, it is our usual practice to take the children to see Santa Claus. They are both under five years old, so they still believe in Santa Claus. The pomp and pageantry that usually characterizes that trip is like no other. Pretty dresses adorned, red ribbons delicately placed, ties flawlessly knotted, impeccably white socks, shoes sparkling, steps leading to see precious Santa. This year, we had to add face masks to our outfits.

The children usually curious to find out if they made the good-kids list, as well as to pour out their petitions to Santa on the gift their heart desires. However, this year is different. I believe Santa had to change his strategy this year for the sake of every child in the world. He had to look in his repertoire of wit and creativity. With assured steps and joyful glee, the kids danced their way to Santa’s chambers at the shopping mall. We noticed that Santa was socially distant maintaining at least six feet. That was not all. Santa had a face mask on!

I could see the dejected looks on the faces of the children, but they understood. They know that it is the year 2020 and that there is a bad virus called Corona virus that has messed things up a lot. Fortunately, Santa told them they made the good kids list and where reassured of their favorite gifts. Call it Silver linings.

I know this year 2020 has been a year like no other. It is the year of the Pandemic. We have experienced a lot of dimensions to this pandemic. A lot has happened. A lot of tears have been shed. A lot of blood has been shed all around the world this year. A lot of pain have been endured across the globe this year. I am not sure any dolorimeter has been designed to cater to the immense measure of pain 2020 has spewn on earth. Many have lost their sources of livelihood. Many have lost their homes. Many have lost their dignity. Many have gone hungry. Many have lost their marriages. Many have lost their lives. It is almost too much. However, you made it up to this point! There is still hope. There is covid vaccine now available which is also reported to be quite effective. The vaccine has been described as “A ray of Hope”. Some call it “A shot of Hope”. Wait for and wait on this hope. We know that hope is that ability to chose to see light despite all the darkness.

Wipe your tears and brace up for a new tomorrow. However, we will never forget the year Santa wore face mask in a hurry. We have to believe that in the nearest future, Santa will look happy again and that smile will not be obstructed by any coverings.

Season’s greetings.

“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.” —Albert Einstein

Posted on

Interesting Questions From A Five Year old

One of the things that intrigue me about motherhood is the curiosity of kids. As a mom, I daily encounter my little ones asking questions that are sometimes hard , sometimes funny and sometimes just totally weird. I cannot help but wonder in amazement where these questions are coming from. I am not even talking about the “why” questions that kids often ask. Those are easy. I am talking about questions that will almost embarrass you because you are not 100 percent sure of the answer. Typically moms tend to know most of the answers except instances whereby mommy has to do a Google search to find the correct answer. My utmost respect and heart-felt gratitude goes to Larry Page and Sergey Brin for creating Google.

Truth be told that children are trying to piece together information in order to further their knowledge and make sense of the world. Their innate curiosity plays a big part in stirring up their inner geniuses which helps to build concepts, skills, vocabulary, and understanding of this amazing world. I know that kids don’t deliberately ask these questions to annoy or “disgrace” their parents, but because they really want an explanation. Therefore, for you to give a logical explanation, you need to seek knowledge and equip yourself with correct information. This is because if you give that child a wrong answers, he or she believes you and will go to school and share that piece of information with anyone who cares to listen including their unsuspecting classmates.

What I am really driving at is that you have to brace yourself up for these questions because whether you like it or not, they will come. So it is better you stay prepared. Study, seek knowledge; read about science, arts, animals, the black hole, hurricanes, stars, etc.

Let me help you put this in a better perspective by giving you examples of real life questions I have had to answer by a five year old boy.

1)Which one is your favorite dwarf planet ? This child is fascinated by space. He knows the names of all the eight planets and loves them, knows the number of moons they have. He also knows all the dwarf planets. To be honest, prior to this child asking me this question, I had no idea what the dwarf planets were. Now I know that there are five of them including Makemake, Ceres, Eris, Haumea and Pluto. I had to read! You cannot imagine the number of explanations I had to do that pluto is also one of the dwarf planets

2) What is the difference between hurricane and tornado?

3) Where does the sun rise and where does it set?

4) What does snow tiger look like?

5) Mommy, do you know what a roadrunner is?

5) Mommy, do you know a peanut-head bug?

6) Mommy what does a blue marlin look like? Actually, I heard about this fish (yes, it is a fish) for the first time from my five-year son. Covering eyes! Anyways, we googled it and now we both know what it looks like.

7) Do ducks have teeth? Actually, I outright found this particular question very embarrassing. I had no idea! “I would assume they do baby,” I said to him. I found out (again thanks to google) that ducks do not have teeth but their mouth contains both an upper and lower jaw. Using their long beak and jaw, they catch their food and swallow it whole.

8) Mommy, do you know that spiders have eight eyes? I quickly checked and found out that it was true. So I told him, “of course, spiders have eight eyes”.

9) Can the black hole suck up the whole galaxy? For Christ’s sake, where is this coming from? To be honest, this boy got fascinated by the black hole after watching a YouTube video once. Till today, I have no idea how he got to know.

10) Mommy, what is the name of that star? To be honest, this one got me almost exasperated.

Children have very curious minds and are on a journey of discovery trying to make sense of the whole universe at large and we have to help and support them on that journey. It will cost you time as a parent. You will expend energy. You will have to research things that will puzzle you. Your patience would be tried especially when you have to answer the same question over and over again in differing variations. However, it is an investment in the life of your wards.

Help these precious ones awaken their inner genius. Curiosity, as we know is the engine of achievement.

“The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing.”

– Albert Einstein

Posted on

Don’t Raise a Racist.

I realized that children are very innocent and the purest of hearts. However, the mind of a child is like a sponge; they learn and imbibe the attitudes shown by the adults in their lives. They are so loving and so forgiving by default but at some point, the influence of the adults in their lives rub off on them and they begin to exude the character of their parents or guardians like a reflection of a mirror. How else do you explain to me the experience of a friend who had gone to pick up his child from Sunday school only for another kid to say “eww, black”. What does that even mean?

The part I find most disturbing is not the fact that it took place in church, the part that got me deeply concerned me is the fact that the kid’s mother was there when the incident happened and said or did nothing. She did not rebuke her child, neither did she apologize for her kid’s behavior. Granted that the mother may not be racist but her inability to address the situation on that spot makes her complicit. It is also a reflection of some of the attitude that her kid has learned from her. No child is born racist but your actions and inactions can lead to you raising a racist child. It is not fair to transfer or implant your hatred or insensitivity about other races into a child. That is a theft of that child’s innocence. Stop it.

Let us train our children to love and respect others regardless of the color of their skins. I tell my children that God made us all in different shades just like the rainbow that has many colors but when we look at the rainbow, it is so beautiful. So together, we all make the world beautiful. We as parent have to be deliberate in teaching good values about our humanity to the young ones. I will not teach my children to pay evil for evil. Many people teach their children evil merely by their silence. The woman in that story reinforced something in the mind of her child that day that it was okay to see a black person as “eww”. Whatever, that means. You inaction is as potent as your negative actions, so don’t pretend to sit on the fence on this one.

Many a times, my children come back from daycare and say to me “mommy, nobody wants to play with me”. I ignored it when my five year old son said this a few times because you know ‘boys will always be boys’. However, I started taking it seriously when my sweetest, angelic four-year old daughter, who could possibly never hurt a fly said that same statement a couple of times “mommy, nobody would play with me”. My heart broke that day. When we have parents who subconsciously train their kids to avoid black kids or create the impression that a particular race is superior than other other, then we have a big problem at hand . I have seen instances where we go to a public play ground and then the white parent kind of nudges off their kids away from the area where a black kid is. This was pre-COVID-19 era for avoidance of doubt.

Adults, please keep your political views, your hatred and bigotry to yourself. Please don’t infuse it into your little kids. Let children be children and lets make conscious efforts to preserve their innocence and teach them to love others and treat others with kindness and respect. That way, you are actually contributing something useful to humanity by holding your fair share of parental bargain. Then, the world would be a better place.

“An eye for an eye makes the world blind.” – Mahatma Gandhi